Zile nchi ziko na beef with Stato zimeshoiwa zirelax afta Obama kwachud the '09 Nobel Peace Prize last wk. "Kwanza kabisa obama wud like 2 apologise to those wanasiasa 15 he toad rangi in a letter last month," sez Yes Wecan, a geog odijo whose side hustle is teaching obama's cabinet kule Africa iko kwa map. Wecan adds dat Otato pia imechomoa a special offer 2 those 15 victims dat includes no visa application fees, no interviews, multiple entry visas n free airport transfers. "In fact kama these jamaas can jipanga into a kerende wen they fika, naweza organise wakutane na obama 4 sembe kunde kule White hse," he reveals.
Otato sasa itadeal na makauzi peacefully nxt time wakipiga meli ya stato ngeta. "Badala ya kusend macommando kurescue meli, raondi hii tutadrop maparachute zimeshona maburgers, mapizzas, mapopcorn na mahorror movies," wecan toboas. "Tunahope hizo burungu zitaconvince hao makauzi wawachilie meli zetu roho safi i say."
Iran pia inaweza tulia mdogo. "Tumekuwa tukizusha kaa miaka 40 iran isaray story za nuclear mpaka siku hizi tunasound kama ndai imetoboka xhaust," wecan tetas. He confirms dat iran sasa inaweza endelea na its nuclear mjengo bila kuwaza kama kesho stato itawanyeshea style ya Hiroshima na Nagasaki. "Actually tutabonga nao wauzie Kenya elec afta balozi wetu huko azushe vile juzi alikatsika afta kukimbia home kucheki prison break only 4 elec kukatika."
But wecan adds dat kuna disclaimer: kila siku sio Sunday 4 all wadhii with beef na stato. "Zee, hatuwezi 4 give kila msay na wewe, othawise tutaboeka sana na wasay wengi hii mtaa wanaweza poteza wax," he justifies it. "So bado tutamaintain sanctions dhidi ya Mugabe, tutasupport Al Bashir apatiwe red carpet welcome Hague na tutazidi kupambana na Taliban sides za Afghanistan."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Grace Mugabe applies 4 a ki-shakay in Kenya
Grace Mugabe ameshow gova ya Ubako na Tinga 2 organise 4 her a ki-shakay s'where in Kenya ndio aendelee na maziwa bizna yake. Hii ni afta Nestle Zim kuwekwa mapressure na mahaterz in Brito n SA iwache kuboti maziwa kutoka hiyo shakay ya grace, au itacollide na boycott ya power.
Inasemekana ati tha mngoso ex-owner of dat shakay, which supplies nestle zim with maziwa kaa litre 1m kila mwaka, was forced 2 ndonyo it bei ya jioni by makauzi wa Zanu-PF.
"Aaaah silly," shouts Hara Bula, PA wa grace, whose salo depends on the inflation rate ya hiyo mwezi. "Hao wangoso mahaters hawajui dat when u strike an African woman, you strike a rock." Bula sez grace hakujifungia kwa bedroom yake na kuanza kulia afta nestle zim walemewe na pressure. "Zee, alienda online n that's where she got tha idea afta asome ati Qatar imerent 40k Ha in Tana river 4 kilimo," she sez. Bula adds dat grace was like if a mwafrika can rent out his shakay to a muarabu, how hard can it be 2 do tha same 4 anotha mwafrika who also has investment ganji?
Qatar imejitolea kujenga port in Lamu as its CSR project, n bula sez grace pia ana mpango similar especially raondi hii when wakidi wengi hawakunywi maji enuff juu ya drought throughout area code 254. "Tutadonate maziwa 2 kila primo kenya nzima mon-fri 2 complement free primary education," she reveals. "Na bado, unlike maziwa ya kitambo ya nyayo, wakidi watakuwa na selection gwan kama chocolate, strawberry na vanilla flavours."
Bula sez grace hajali where she gets a ki-shakay hata kama ni sides za north-eastern, as long as at least kuna airstrip karibu ndio she can fika Nai kila wikendi 2 shop. "Trust me, hamna therapy poa kama hiyo, especially afta stress za kuamshwa na mooo, moooo, daily," she points out.
Samples zishatumwa 2 both ubako n tinga 4 tasting. "Karibu tufanye blunder ya kutuma sample 2 ubako pekee, alafu Tsvangirai akatukumbusha kenya siku hizi kuna prime minister," bula kumbukas. "Kizee, ilibidi pilot apige U-turn ndio a-get sample 4 tinga othawise ODM wangekanyagia hiyo deal."
Bula hopes gova itapitisha application ya grace at least by Oct 20. "Tunataka kulaunch na double n what better time than Kenyatta day's state hse buffet," she sez. "Ikifika chai ya 4pm, tunataka maguests wabambike na tiabe containing maziwa ya grace."
Inasemekana ati tha mngoso ex-owner of dat shakay, which supplies nestle zim with maziwa kaa litre 1m kila mwaka, was forced 2 ndonyo it bei ya jioni by makauzi wa Zanu-PF.
"Aaaah silly," shouts Hara Bula, PA wa grace, whose salo depends on the inflation rate ya hiyo mwezi. "Hao wangoso mahaters hawajui dat when u strike an African woman, you strike a rock." Bula sez grace hakujifungia kwa bedroom yake na kuanza kulia afta nestle zim walemewe na pressure. "Zee, alienda online n that's where she got tha idea afta asome ati Qatar imerent 40k Ha in Tana river 4 kilimo," she sez. Bula adds dat grace was like if a mwafrika can rent out his shakay to a muarabu, how hard can it be 2 do tha same 4 anotha mwafrika who also has investment ganji?
Qatar imejitolea kujenga port in Lamu as its CSR project, n bula sez grace pia ana mpango similar especially raondi hii when wakidi wengi hawakunywi maji enuff juu ya drought throughout area code 254. "Tutadonate maziwa 2 kila primo kenya nzima mon-fri 2 complement free primary education," she reveals. "Na bado, unlike maziwa ya kitambo ya nyayo, wakidi watakuwa na selection gwan kama chocolate, strawberry na vanilla flavours."
Bula sez grace hajali where she gets a ki-shakay hata kama ni sides za north-eastern, as long as at least kuna airstrip karibu ndio she can fika Nai kila wikendi 2 shop. "Trust me, hamna therapy poa kama hiyo, especially afta stress za kuamshwa na mooo, moooo, daily," she points out.
Samples zishatumwa 2 both ubako n tinga 4 tasting. "Karibu tufanye blunder ya kutuma sample 2 ubako pekee, alafu Tsvangirai akatukumbusha kenya siku hizi kuna prime minister," bula kumbukas. "Kizee, ilibidi pilot apige U-turn ndio a-get sample 4 tinga othawise ODM wangekanyagia hiyo deal."
Bula hopes gova itapitisha application ya grace at least by Oct 20. "Tunataka kulaunch na double n what better time than Kenyatta day's state hse buffet," she sez. "Ikifika chai ya 4pm, tunataka maguests wabambike na tiabe containing maziwa ya grace."
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Hague pilot requests gova 4 mo passengers
Ingawa gova imekubali yenyewe tha wanasiasa who chochead vita last year itabidi wafikishwe Hague chap chap, pilot wa ile plane itawabeba tetas he can't chomoka kabla ishone. "Cheki hii situation charlie yangu. Mimi, conda na cabin crew hukanjua on commission, so hakuna vile tunaweza fly mapoliticians tupu n xpect kumake doe poa," sez capt. Cokpit Turbulence, who anzad as a mkoko dere btwn marikiti n Machakos airport. "Na usisahau lazima tukanje kanjo 4 parking n Mungiks 4 tha route," he adds.
Turbulence suggests kuna groups kadhaa gova shud order 2 apply online 2 sindikiza mapoliticians hague, destination 2nd best afta bunge chujad da idea of undaing a tribunal in area code 254. "Saa zile conda anaita wadhii mimi husoma Bible badala ya kupiga honi ya plane au kukatia ma air hostess," turbulence xplains. "Kuna siku nilisoma Yesu wasn't crucified solo."
Tha first kirindi he thinks shud on tha plane ni madere wa mathree. "Angalia vile hao huingia na kifua mbele ya ndai yako au kudrive juu ya pevu wakati wa jam na makarao hawado any," he observes. "Na bado, usisahau kukirain wanadouble fare, au ghafla wanasay 'Mwisho wa gari,' kabla wafike bus stn na hakuna cha refund."
Group ya mbe ni wale wasay wana tabia funny tao. "Badala wakucall 'beste' or 'siste' they hiss at u kama nyoka ina audition 4 Kenyan idol," he sez. They r closely fuatwad by those who spit ovyo ovyo kwanza where u r about 2 step. "Hawa ma forko jembe ni alarm 2 sana wen TB imeshika kinyama." Turbulence complains dat even tho kanjo will now fine pips 2k or miezi kaa 3 cell in Inda 4 such tabias, it won't b effective. "Nani siku hizi atakosa kavu mbili wen mabanks, masacco na merry-go-rounds zinapatiana personal loans kama wazimu."
Tha third kerende of potential escorts ni makauzi who chapa u mambao juu uko na fone ya tene or just finje mfukoni. "It's mbof enuff kauzi anafinyilia mbao kwa shingo yako bila ya 1-months notice of intent," turbulence zushas, "without em bouting u 4 bebaing a 3210. Kwani hawacheki news? world imepararishwa na recession."
Fourth group ni pips who r sooo impatient 4 tha lift 2 fika ground flr mpaka wanafinya buttons zote. "Not only do they not time 4 tha lift 2 empty kabla waingie," turbulence observes, "but afta all dat drama kumbe wanashuka 1st flr!"
Fifth kirindi ni those who flash u as if kuna emergency. "Msay atakuflash kila dakika but ukimbuzz anakushow, 'Johnny, vipi. Ulicheki aji ball ya jana ya Man u na Arsenali?' "
Turbulence sez 4 now those guys r enuff 2 jaza ndege yake. "In case wakizidi tutacheki kama tunaweza chuja Michuki's rules, ndio wakae wanne wanne economy class."
Turbulence suggests kuna groups kadhaa gova shud order 2 apply online 2 sindikiza mapoliticians hague, destination 2nd best afta bunge chujad da idea of undaing a tribunal in area code 254. "Saa zile conda anaita wadhii mimi husoma Bible badala ya kupiga honi ya plane au kukatia ma air hostess," turbulence xplains. "Kuna siku nilisoma Yesu wasn't crucified solo."
Tha first kirindi he thinks shud on tha plane ni madere wa mathree. "Angalia vile hao huingia na kifua mbele ya ndai yako au kudrive juu ya pevu wakati wa jam na makarao hawado any," he observes. "Na bado, usisahau kukirain wanadouble fare, au ghafla wanasay 'Mwisho wa gari,' kabla wafike bus stn na hakuna cha refund."
Group ya mbe ni wale wasay wana tabia funny tao. "Badala wakucall 'beste' or 'siste' they hiss at u kama nyoka ina audition 4 Kenyan idol," he sez. They r closely fuatwad by those who spit ovyo ovyo kwanza where u r about 2 step. "Hawa ma forko jembe ni alarm 2 sana wen TB imeshika kinyama." Turbulence complains dat even tho kanjo will now fine pips 2k or miezi kaa 3 cell in Inda 4 such tabias, it won't b effective. "Nani siku hizi atakosa kavu mbili wen mabanks, masacco na merry-go-rounds zinapatiana personal loans kama wazimu."
Tha third kerende of potential escorts ni makauzi who chapa u mambao juu uko na fone ya tene or just finje mfukoni. "It's mbof enuff kauzi anafinyilia mbao kwa shingo yako bila ya 1-months notice of intent," turbulence zushas, "without em bouting u 4 bebaing a 3210. Kwani hawacheki news? world imepararishwa na recession."
Fourth group ni pips who r sooo impatient 4 tha lift 2 fika ground flr mpaka wanafinya buttons zote. "Not only do they not time 4 tha lift 2 empty kabla waingie," turbulence observes, "but afta all dat drama kumbe wanashuka 1st flr!"
Fifth kirindi ni those who flash u as if kuna emergency. "Msay atakuflash kila dakika but ukimbuzz anakushow, 'Johnny, vipi. Ulicheki aji ball ya jana ya Man u na Arsenali?' "
Turbulence sez 4 now those guys r enuff 2 jaza ndege yake. "In case wakizidi tutacheki kama tunaweza chuja Michuki's rules, ndio wakae wanne wanne economy class."
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