Zooma 2 chuja diss word 'makwerekwere'

Prezzo zooma has semad he will chuja the matusi word 'makwerekwere' from da brains n tongues of sa miros.
Bongaing jana nite at state hse joburg where he threw an african nite bash 4 miros studying n joboing in sa, legally or illegally; he kwanza apologised 4 last year's hater sessions that mulikad only cross-border born nyauthis. "Wadhii, eazy jo, eazy. On behalf of hao ma haters who chomad yo cagers, looted yo bizna n killed their fellow miros coz they're not named thabo or thandi, i apologise," he semad.
Zooma aka msholozee aka umshini wami, who had ng'arad a leopard skin kinyasa and an ak-47 slung over his mgongo, fuatad by toboaing he was once in exile in zambia after he got 411 dat makaburu lusted 2 make his ass rest in peace during em days of ubaguzi wa rangi. "Hakuna hata siku moja nilitusiwa makwerekwere, hakuna! In fact wazambia walinishow love 2 sana kwanza after niwashow shaka zulu was a rela of mine," he revealed. It was while he was lounging in exile dat zooma juad how 2 dara n fire an umshini wami (zulu 4 machine gun), and both have been mabeste eva since mpaka msholozee grabbed the mic and chomoad da track 'lethu umshini wami' (bring me ma machine gun).
He paused kiasi n sipped some mnazi from a gourd next to him, and endelead by saying he wud tumia his umshini wami 2 pop any sa nyauthi who calls a fellow miro 'makwerekwere.' 2 prove that hacheki na watu zooma grabbed the ak from his mgongo and contributed 2 global warming by shooting in the ozone layer, making wadhii 2 lie sakafuni chap chap. "Hahaaaaa, msistuke mabeste, msistuke hahaaa," he reassured dem. "Lakini raondi hii ilibidi niwashow dat actions hubonga louder than maneno matupu."
Msholozee semad dat a hotline n website wud be set up asap where foreign born miros wud report any 'makwerekwere' incidents. "Kama siko karibu musijali. Si mnamesea ndakuwa busy kinyama juu sasa mimi ni orezoe. Lakini ndatuma bouncer moja au wawili faster na umshini wami ndio washow hao mahater vile si hufanya watiaji kama hao," he semad.
He added dat instead of first visiting europe and stato, raondi hii he will flip tha script n tembelea african countries instead. "Kwa mfano nataka kuvisit naijo nijionee vile hao huweza kuchomoa ma movie kibao kila wiki, na kenya nicheki vile ma marathon runners hufanya tizi, na kadhalika."
Coz he had hemad sana after 3 months of campaigning, kesi kortini, kumarry wife no 5, etc, zooma tossed his speech in the air, and ordered dj thabo thandi 2 anzisha da heng by spinning some mogithi tracks.

Tinga, mps, diss Jamaican PM 4 his salo moves

Tinga has dissed Bruce G, da Jamaican waziri mkuu, 4 being a forko jembe 4 not only cutting his salo by 15%, but pia 4 kataaing a 7% salo increment dat was 2 check in on April Fools' Day.
Bruce g told wadhii of his uamuzi during a beachside dub hanye over Easter, where he stopped by 2 katika kiasi. "Ni aji mabeste, jo si hii bash inabamba 2 sana mpaka sijiskii kurudi state house. Nway skizeni dakika moja, skizeni jo. Raondi hii ni kunoma nchini juu economy iko hali mahututi. So nimeamua hakuna haja nijienjoy na huku nyinyi mnatuna njaa," he ambiad them. "Kwahivyo kutoka jana nimefyeka 15% off salo yangu na pia ile increment ya 7% nilifaa nikwachu tarehe mosi pia siitaki, mnasikia? siitaki," he emphasised, as mafans wikad, "Airay, airay bruce g wewe ni wetu, wewe ni wetuuuuu!"
Bruce g's annual salo be 4 his beachfront declaration was kedo ksh4.9 metres.
But tinga, hollaing at wanachungwa as he sambazad organic juo 2 them at chungwa hse over easter, wasted bruce g 4 throwing wood. "Noooow, nini mbaya na huyu mbuyu? Ni sampuli gani of a prime minister is this ambaye anakataa chapaa? Ana akili timamu kweli?" he axed.
Tinga reminded mafans dat he's been operating like an intern since gova ya mseto landed in feb '08, n he's negoing seriously 4 a salo ya nguvu kaa ya Ubako. "Shindwe, sasa this jamaa atamake life yangu as waziri mkuu even harder coz PNU wanaweza nishow i kubali the same salo as bruce g's ambayo haiwezekani. Mnasikia? haiwezekani. Kwani bruce anaishi wapi hajasikia ile ngoma ya Nameless 'salary O'?" he axed, as mafans shouted "Mu email mp3! mu email mp3!"
Tinga threatened 2 swim 2 jamaica and dare bruce g 2 exchange places with him. "Kama hataki munde he can come 2 Nai & chukua my posi n become an intern, and i take his and bamba a salo too. Na bado, na bado, i will regain weight coz there will be no mo pnu 2 ha...? 2 handa my ass," he ongezad.
Hata Kenya's waheshimiwas have zushad 4 bruce g for asking jamaican mps kiroho safi 2 fuata his lead and take a 10% salo cut. Bongaing nje ya their gym at Wabunge Towers after a thorough workout, the wabunges who had chapiliad t-shirts saying, "Ni mafala tu hukanja taxes," chujad bruce g 4 being a hater. "Kwani huyu charlie amevuta nini mpaka anashow ma mps wa hiyo mtaa wakwachu salo less?" ulizad Tumbo Saw, the caucus' mc who was chosen coz he doesn't bang tables hata akijam. "Kwani huyu mtiaji hajui works ya ubunge ni sugu jo juu kila mudhii hudhani we r walking ATMs. In fact ma mps dunia nzima wanafaa waongezewe doe."
Tumbo threatened 2 disrupt bunge n bring a private member's motion of no confidence in bruce g. "Hata kama ako majuu, ni lazima tumshow tuko imara, tuko radar, na tuna feel ma mps wenzetu hiyo nchi ya Sean Paul na akiendelea na huwo upumbavu, tutapeleka case Hague."

KU now a utalii site

KU has been chaguliwad as kenya's 1st campo-2-tourist site after miaka kaa 40 of admitting vijanas who didn't jua that mawes were multi-purpose things when they were in seco, then dumping them 2 a jobo marko that ambias them, "Pole kijana, hauna experience."
Flat Heels, the chick at the wizara ya utalii in charge of sakanyaing new bizna n extra mbinu of gongaing local n foreign wataliis, semad KU will make a timam utalii site coz riots za hivi majuzi wachad the joint looking more of a movie set and less of a chuo where ma professors show off their backs. "Modhii, huskii when i saw KU on news nilidhani ni storo on how kenya is fast becoming a mzuri location 4 shooting movies. Kumbe it was after jamaas zushad mbaya mbof," she said.
Heels couldn't amini what she onad and sacrificed her aerobics class at the gym the next asubuhi 2 fika KU and confirm, escorted by a karao just in case some jamaas didn't go diggs after they were fukuzwad. "Ngaaatho. Yaani when i fikad the sight was unbelievable. Mawe kila mahali, broken madirisha, njumu, risasi, mikebe za tear gas, etc. I took fotos with my fone and mmsed them 2 my mdosi. He was jazzed with my idea papo hapo."
Heels semad gova had spent ganji mob 2 sondeka damage wadhii caused since rioting became a kawa xtra curricular activity in campo zote za umma, but now coz Tinga's and Ubako's gova imesota, hasara tupu centres kaa campo were being chujwad. "Ebu niambie, haja gani gova ispend doe mob kurepair madirisha, kubuy gates mpya, kuboti bullets, teargas na ngata 4 karao trucks when campos can become profit centres?" she ulizad.
KU will target both watalii from majuu and particularly locals who want a place 2 lounge and ngojea jam ya thika rd 2 kwisha, especially ile ya Monday mornings. Karao will be on site perma and required 2 pause as if they're about to shoot someone who is aiming a jiwe at them. Lakini their guns will be toy guns 2 prevent the inevitable release of stray bullets.
Heels kubalid wadhii wamesota raondi hii dunia nzima, but anajikaza kisabuni. "Modhii, ebu nishow nchi gani ingine which has converted a campo 2 a tourism site. Niko na hope tukipost mbisha za KU na hawa makarao wameuma pause ya kushoot online as the main attractions, watalii watabambi...? watabambika," she swore.
Heels ongezad kuna mipango ya kujenga monuments dedicated 2 jamaas who have thrown the most stones, and vice kanjoras who have witnessed the most riots while in offo.
Lakini she gomad 2 toboa how much she expects the site 2 make in its first year of bizna, only that "It shud ingiza enuff ganji ndio mdosi wangu approves that car loan application i chorad on Valentine's day last year."

Madagascar prezzy 2 DJ in Othumo

DJ Raj wa Madagascar will chukua presidential social responsibility (psr) leave over Easter to fika Othumo and roga wadhii with his continental hit, from kanjora 2 orezo.
Tho DJ Raj ameanza tu majuzi kujienjoy na ma bouncers from jeshi, pre-inspected madondo, ndai bulletproof, kuitwa 'your excellency' and 24-hr uinterrupted woday, elec na net supply, hangeweza kuwaste chance ya kuonyesha nyauthi wote dat ako na skillz that pay bills and a softer side.
MC Chungwa, a Kisoom city based promoter and a distant rela 2 both Obash and Tinga, semad DJ Raj chaguad KSM coz of what cut there after Dec '07. "Cheki, cheki, nani world wote hakumbuki that Keysoom ndio noma ilizuka kwanza baada ya rela wangu Tinga kugongwa na ECK?" He ulizad. "Na ingawa Tinga hakufanywa prezzy kama DJ Raj after tuzushe deadly, DJ Raj anafeel uchungu wetu na ndio ameamu...? ameamua kudo show yake hii mtaa," he added.
DJ Raj will dandia a meli kesho from MG and fika Coasto kaa Thursday hivi, alafu afly 2 Othumo. "My guy huskii DJ Raj ako na joto ya kuperform dala mpaka hatakuwa na time ya kuvisit Fort Jesus au kukunywa mnazi," MC Chungwa confirmed. DJ Raj will use his time melini 2 piga tizi and jaribu various remixes of from kanjora 2 orezo in mugithi, benga, genge, and otha versions.
Inaonekana DJ Raj hatishiwi na the shipjackers causing mayhem near Coasto. "Kama DJ Raj anaweza chuja prezo mzima who was pia mdosi wa military, makauzi watado?" MC Chungwa ulizad. But he toboad that the DJ atasindikizwa na makarao 'just in case hao mafala watajaribu kusanya vifaa vya d-jaying kama CDs na maheadphones.'
Lakini DJ Raj won't perform elsewhere juu ni muhadhara kuwacha nchi bila orezo 4 mo than a week, especially kaa ex-orezo bado ako hai na ni adui. "Dj Raj atado show yake Friday usiku alafu ajikate home Sato ngware juu si hata wewe unaelewa huwezi wacha cager ya nguvu kaa state hse bila mwenyewe. Huku ni Africa, kizee," the MC malizad.