Bano, cati, 2 fufuka during Nai blakouts

Wasay wa area code 020 hv been shown kuna side poa ya elec rationin dat is on like a nanzenz. "Ukweli, wadhii wa jiji wana right ya kuzusha lakini sio saaana," sez Nchi Giza, tha MC during jana's official launch of the Nai edition of the kenya elec rationing show kule jamu park.
Giza xplains vile tabia mbaya huanza home ndio pia huko kuna gap 4 innovation during raondi hii ya mablackouts. "Nani hajacheki vile wakidi wengi siku hizi wakitoka daro na pia wikendi wanakuwanga juu ya mavideo na fone games 2 sana?" giza asks. "Sasa mapero wako na chance ya kuteach majnr wao michezo that don't need elec kama bano, ball, cati na bladder."
Inter personal relationships ni sekta ingine giza sez rationin itapiga jeki mdogo. "Mara mob tukifika cagerni afta colle au kuhustle, si huenda straight kucheki tv, kumanga alafu kudoro," he observes. "Sasa vile elec itakuwa less ma usiku usiku hivi, famo zitapata xtra time ya kugoteana na kupiga story kaa wanamunch candle-lit dinner."
Tukienda side ya wax, giza sez macampu shud temporarily chuja dat doze of wasay kudunga suti daily. "Since elec itakuwa inajikata 6am, itakuwa hard kuguarantee shati na mini-skirt smooth daily," he warns wadosis. Giza suggests 'dress down fridays' 2 b replaced with 'dress down daily.'
Juu big ass companies haziguswi na rationing, giza ameshauri ma jua-kalis 2 marry ndio next time watanusurika. "Haja gani musifiwe ati SMMEs r tha engine of development alafu kukithoka mnakuwa wa kwanza kunyimwa elec?" Giza adds ni urgent wadosis wa jua-kali wakae down, waboti candles bei ya wholesale, na waanze kunego.

Hilary updates Bill on her Nai raos with Somalia orezzo

Sasa sweetie. Niko poa on my tour of Africa na nabambika ni aji! Na hope ile dishi nilikuachia kabla nishoot bado iko.
Nway, leo yote nilikuwa Nai where among otha pips i met was prezzo Ahmo wa Somalia. Si unamesea makauzi hiyo mtaa won't let hata mende ivisit. Noma sweetie, noma.
Afta press conference Ahmo alichomoa mpango ya kunipeleka Easich. I was like, "Where the *** is Easich?" Akanishow Easich is Mogadishu's twin sis, only difference being Easich is multi-cultural. I was game. We went 2 Posta where I almost blundered by dandiaing tha 1st mathree displaying the '9' kibao kwa windscreen. "Unado? Hauoni hii mathree vile imechoka?" Ahmo tetad.
We tegead kiasi halafu mathree moja with a variety of colours, sagging tyres, an exhaust that sounded like a rocket, and baggy side mirrors checked in. Ahmed showed me 2 fuata him, lakini hatunge compete na madem/macharlie wa seco who didn't even ngoja mathree isimame. By tha time tujisunde ndani ndai ilikuwa chrome. Kulikuwa na charlie moja holding coins mob kwa mkono ya right and shaking them as if he was sending a secret message. He also kept on repeating, "Mwisho wa gari tafadhali, mwisho wa..." "This is tha condi, beste yangu sana hadi utabebwa saree," Ahmo xplained. He then gotead dere and in sekunde kadhaa charlie moja who was seated next to tha dere was chujwad and I replaced him.
Mathree anzad safari halafu vitu mbe fanyikad tulipofika Luthuli ave: dere aliwachilia ngoma zingine loud viajabu na pia akafinya ndai mpaka I thot we wud fly! Mwisho wa Luthuli tukaget jam on River rd. Lakini condi mjanja akashow dere asijifunge na jam, apasulie thru Kirinyaga rd and off we went, kwanza wrong side! Fikaing Mtoni tukapata karao who raised his mkono. Lakini wapi, tha dere, who was tafunaing some greenish majani frm a juala, lengad him big time. Nikamuangalia in horror. "Usijali supuu. Huyo karao tunajua dawa yake na tutampitia squad next," he semad.
Wakati mathree fikad Garage, Ahmo showed me tudondoke. Damn, dere alikuwa charlie moja mhandsome! "Kitambo kidogo hii ndio ilikuwa base ya boo za KBS," Ahmo pointed to tha empty museum. Tukaendelea kupiga kalesa lakini kwa roadi juu pevu side zote zilikuwa zimeshona ma hawker na taka taka. I also did long jump 2 avoid sewage na mate.
Next stop was Garissa Lodge where kila burungu frm a 21-inch telly hadi G-string zilikuwa zinauzwa bei ya jioni. Nikaconvert hizo bei 2 madollaray na chief, huskii Stato tunagongwa kugongwa! Baada ya tour mdogo nikageiwa complimentary CD of 'bongo la biashara' by the Garissa Lodge Hustlers Sacco.
Next ilikuwa cager ya broker flani wa mitoo. Si alikuwa na selection ya nguvu: Ak, 9mm... si usaray. He swung me a complimentary AK. "Don't get it twisted. He xpects u 2 unganishia 4 him bizna in Stato thru AGOA," Ahmo sed.
Nilikuwa naanza kuenjoi hii tour n was looking fwd 2 visiting the next SME wen karao nabbed Ahmo and ordered him atoe ID chap chap. I tetad dat this was a denial of his human right of freedom of movement. "Tuliza au sisi wawili tutalala ndani," he sed. "Time 2 hapo narudi." I decided to buzz Ubako n zusha wen shit, I kumbukad fone yangu can't roam in Africa. I was about 2 give up on Ahmo wen he came back kaa anahema "Woria, msako noma nakwambia." He showed me tour itabidi ikatike n we dandiad the nearset mathree 2 tao.
Lakini Ahmo ni mchoraji. Wen we were in Ngara he buzzed wadhii kadhaa and tukajikuta at the HQ za Easich Veve Stock Exchange (EVSE) at Wilson airport. Nikajionea vile veve is bot, packaged n loaded kwa ndege 4 xport majuu. As usual nikathanyua a complimentary gunia ambayo tutaveveka nayo nikirudi home, usijali.
Siku interesting au sio. Whacha nikadoro juu morrow nashoot SA. Lala unono my dear.
PS: Nai kuna power rationing so sikupiga mbisha na fone yangu 2 save battery, pole.

Kenyanz pausing majuu advised of how 2 avoid Gates' karao experience

Afta a nyauthi professor wa nguvu was kamatuad by stato makarao 4 pitaing with his own mlango ya cager yake, ubako n tinga's gova has chomoad a 'Usido' survival guide online 4 wakenya already there na pia wale flying out leo. "Sema. Afta kisanga ya henry gates kubambua na makarao kwa cager yake even afta awashow I.D. yake, imebidi tuonye wakenya in advance," sez tukae masaa of tha wakenya walioko majuu (wwm) dept of the min. of foreign affairs.
Gates alipita na mlango ya cager yake baada ijam kufunguka, lakini neighbour mngoso alishtua makarao ati kuna makauzi in dat diggs.
Masaa warns kenyans living majuu, n particularly in stato, not 2 photocopy gates' njaro shud their doors jam kufunguka. "Sakanya neighbour mngoso acome apite na huo mlango, lakini kwanza mshow I.D. yako na title deed kaa uko nayo," he xplains. He adds if yo jiranis diss u, then buzz makarao.
2nd, if yo mots battery chips mangware, tafadhali usijaribu 2 stua it. "Ningeku advise uende works na mathree, alafu lunch time ucome na breakdown preferably ya mngoso," masaa cautions.
Tatu, tuseme mboch wako apate bottee call alafu asahau kuanua mng'aro, don't jaribu kuzianua usiku afta wax. "Unless kunarain, time hadi morning," masaa sez.
Nne, kaa unacharge fone yako at jobo, usidhubutu kuidisconnect fuaaa afta battery ishone. "Ita ma colleague wawili-watatu wangoso alafu ushow mmoja abuzz namba yako 2 prove fone ni yako," masaa sez. He adds dat yo chances of being believed r hi kama ringtone yako inajivunia kuwa ya kikenya.

Ghana continues 2 angukia mazuri afta Obama visit

Wiki mbe tu after obama avisit ghana, stato bado inaendelea kukatia dat country. Fao, stato imechuja visa requirement 4 maghanaians. "Hali. Yenyewe since maslaves kitambooooo walipitia ghana kabla wafike stato na hawakuneed mavisa, mbona raondi hii tuinsist wawe na visa wakiland?" sez mob cocoa, of tha new offo dept of ghanaian affairs kule white hse.
Cocoa, who reports directly 2 obama, adds dat stato's balozi in ghana hatazusha wen hiyo gova tupas mbao matime zake. "Tuseme mahawker wa accra walete noma tao wakihandwa na kanjo alafu makarao wafyatue risasi, ambassador wetu won't organise a press conference kudemand ghanaian gova iresepect human rites," he xplains. "Instead atabonga thru 'diplomatic channels' juu anarecognise ghana ni sovereign state."
Alafu shud ugonjwa muhadhara kaa swine flu chomoka frm ghana in future, cocoa promises dat stato won't respond with a travel advisory. "In fact tutachochea wasay wa stato wavisit ghana kwa wingi ndio wapige jeki sekta ya utalii," he confirms.
Stato inapanga kutetea ghana ijoin un security kanjo na G8. "Si unamesea africa iko missing in these places," cocoa sez. "So tunafeel ghana ni tha best nchi kuwaklilisha so we will ng'ang'ana iwe member be 4 2030."
Kumalizia, stato haitaruhusu reports that may embarrass ghana kama zile za transparency international go unchallenged. "Tutamaintain hizi story ni biased, alarmist, sensational and aimed at undermining investor confidence in ghana," cocoa fumes. "Kwahivyo, tutashow international community wazilenge."

Kuna gud side 2 Nai woday rationing

Nai pips no doubt wamekatsika sana na this scandal ya woday rationin', lakini mbuyu mmoja thinks kuna hidden opportunities ndani ya hii noma. "Bebaing a 20-litre mtungi kutoka kwa gate hadi bafu ya cager yako ni tizi muafaka 4 mwili yako yote, kwanza ma biceps," claims Glasi Kaquarter, a chlorine, soray, chalk supplier 2 kanjo who now hana bizna. Kaquarter ongezas dat Nai pips tumekuwa walazy kinyama. "Hauniamini nini. Cheki, tunakwachu lift hata kama tunashoot 1st flr! Hii tizi itatufanya tuwe active mdogo angalau tuishi miaka mob."
Kaquarter sez hii rationin' ni gap deadly ya bizna for mayouth. "Maboys na madem wale watado bizna ya kundonyo maji will saidia gova 2 create 500k jobos kila mwaka, na pia watapunguza usotaji na ukauzi."
Kaquarter, amabaye anapanga kuwa kanjora soon, has axed Nai chix 2 lower their standards kiasi wen sororaing a msay on their 1st date. "Ukweli, macharlie wengi hii time hawataweza kupiga passport shower daily, whacha hata full shower. So itabidi wamix roll on na jasho," he confesses. He ombas mashorays wasichuje jamaas ambao watatupa kiasi. "Surely, there's mo 2 a msay than usafi au sio."
Kuna vile Nai pips hawalike kuswim unless wen they r in coasto, na hii rationing ni chance yetu ya kulearn s'thin brandy. "Not only will we jifunza kuswim n' ongeza hii skill kwa CV, but simultaneously tutasafisha mwili kaa tunaogelea," he xplains.
Lakini Kaquarter sez 2 fuly faidika wasay tafadhali wasinyore ndani ya pool.

Kenyanz omboleza MJ's chipping

Wakenya wamejoin wasay wengine worldwide kuomboleza MJ's sudden chippin' on june 25. "Uko fresh lakini. Huskiii tulistuka mbaya mbof kusikia Maiko ameukata," sez Macho Wazi, the watchie who checkis woday levels at Masinga dam. "Afta tutinge hii dam juu maji imekuwa less, tulikuwa tunapanga kucontract MJ ah moonwalk hadi moon ahresearch kama atawai maji hiyo mtaa."
Mungiks pia wanalia kinyama. "Sisi kwanza tumepigwa dummy ya mwaka," tetas Pande Zote, mdosi wa new biz development. "Tulipoget 411 ati Mj anapanga comeback concerts kaa finje in Brito, chap chap tukasmell deal." Pande Zote xplains dat they showed Jacko's agent dat itabidi ahsign contract agreeing 2 chotea Mungiks kaa 10% ya doe zake frm kila show. "Hata visa application ya lawyer wetu iko Brito embassy tayari," she reveals.
Chix who tumia skin lightening creams r also feeling uchungu. Ngozi Lite, chairlady n founder of tha Kenya Guild of Dedicated Cream Consumers (KGDCC), sez sir kifo's timing imewabore. "Hii ni balaa. Tulikuwa tumeorganise conference bigi inaitwa 'I feel nothing' juu mahaterz wengi diss us 4 using em creams," she zushas. "Ilikuwa imebaki kidogo 2 MJ ahconfirm atakuwa main speaker alafu akadie, damn."
Finally, MJ's death has left a quoro of mathays who had planned a joint b-day bash hanging. "Katika harakati za kucut costs, wamatha wote hood yetu whose sons share birthdays amuad kuwapeleka out nxt weekend wajibonde na face painting na bouncing castles," sez Mama Jimmy. "Mal8ers, we were 2 surprise em by unleashing MJ awasomee bedtime stories."

Kenya n zim on each otha's case kuhusu iran's supuu tender

Iran imeshortlist kenya n zim in tha final rao of a tender 2 provide consultancy services kuhusu formin n runnin a grand coalition gova.
Prezzo ahmadinejad's recent reelection 4 a 2nd stay at state hse was kataliwad by mousavi, fuatwad by noma in teheran. "Afta annan suggested dat ahmadinejad abaki prezzo na mousavi awe prime minister, alitushow tusakanye skills kutoka nchi zingine with xperience kwa sector ya coalition gova," sez ali bin ali, a broker promising both countires dat watashinda hiyo tender.
Lakini kenya n zim wanazushiana 'bout ukora tactics 2 kwachu an unfair advantage. "Tunasikia kutoka sources za nguvu ya kwamba kenya imegay iran kahawa, tiabe na maua za saray," complains mucheburere muchaburara frm tha zim compe.
But kenya's mwangi opiyo, chaguliwad by consensus at a pnu/odm retreat at mau forest 2 be tha tender delegation mdosi, sez zee. "Whachana na hao mahaters kutoka zim, hawamesei kile wanabonga. Iko shida gani tukicome na kahawa na tiabe ya kenya kwa boardroom meeting na client?" Mwangi opiyo ongezas dat tha roses' harufu act as air fresheners ''coz saa zingine by mistake msay anaweza shu... shuuta."
He sez it's zim chezaing game haramu. "Mbona wanateta na tunasikia wameshow iran wataget kiraiko na labour za saray wakinab hiyo deal?" Zim is a serious tobacco n labour xporter yaani.
But mucheburere kataas dat shtaka. " Shindwe! makosa iko wapi tukirelax na client na kiraiko after meeting stressful mbele barley haikubaliwi huku?" He confirms no xcess labour frm zim is available juu wadhii kaa wote wako S.A.
Ali bin ali semas iran will amua mshindi either be4 kenya sets up tribunal au annan pelekas bahasha ya masuspects hague, whicheva cuts earlier. The winner kwachus free ngata hadi iran's next elections, with an option of nuclear power ''skills transfer'' at 50% discount.